Hi everyone,
It’s been a while since my last post. Life has been a whirlwind, and I’ve been caught up in the mix of emotions, changes, and challenges that come with pregnancy. Today, I’m 17 weeks pregnant—4 months and 1 week—and I’m excited to share that we’re having a boy! This journey has been incredible, but it’s also been filled with moments of doubt, fear, and uncertainty.
When I first found out I was pregnant, I was over the moon. After 4 and a half years of trying and enduring the heartbreak of a miscarriage, finally having a successful pregnancy feels like a miracle. But with that joy has come a wave of anxiety that I never quite expected.
The most challenging part lately has been losing my work-from-home job. It was unexpected, and I can’t help but feel like I’ve failed. I’ve been struggling with feelings of inadequacy, questioning whether I’m already the world’s worst mom. My husband recently started a new career after finishing school, and while I’m so proud of him, we’re still climbing out of the debt we incurred to move across the country for him to complete his education.
I know that it takes time to become financially comfortable, but it’s been hard to stay positive. I often wonder if moving to Texas and putting ourselves into debt was worth the risk. Deep down, I know it was, but with the added pressure of my job loss, it’s hard to keep that perspective.
As excited as I am to welcome our son, I can’t help but worry that now isn’t the right time. But then again, when is the right time? It took us so long to get here, and I’m so grateful to God for this opportunity to be a mother. Still, the worry is constant—what if I’m not doing everything I can? What if we’re not ready? What about our finances and the generational trauma I’m so determined to break?
These questions swirl in my head daily, sometimes overwhelming me to the point where I feel depressed. The job situation has only intensified these feelings. I’m trying to “let go and let God,” but I’m human, and I’m struggling to set aside these worries.
Hormones certainly aren’t helping! I’ve been a rollercoaster of emotions, and my poor husband has been my steady rock through it all. I know I’m driving him crazy—one minute, I’m upset over something small, and the next, I just want to be held like a baby. I don’t know how I’d make it through without him.
On top of everything, we recently welcomed a family member into our home. It’s helped with my depression, but it’s also added to our financial strain. Still, I wouldn’t want it any other way, and I’m glad they’re with us.
I guess today’s blog entry feels more like a diary entry. It feels good to pour out my thoughts and share what’s been weighing on my heart. If you’re reading this, thank you for listening to my ramblings. I know things will get better, and I’m holding onto that hope.
Thank you for joining me on this journey. Come back later this week for the next entry!
Until next time,
Chelsey